Case 1: You make a mildly dodgy tackle, that unfortunately results in a broken leg for another player. You should probably get a yellow card, but get a straight red – and because of the seriousness of the injury, you feel unable to appeal. No names – you know who this is!

Case 2: A player from Liverpool grabs your face, you slap him back. You get the red card – Jesus said turn the other cheek, and momma said “If someone hits you, don’t hit them back – come and tell me or you’ll be in trouble”. But in football, it’s one rule for one, one rule for another. Mr Aliadiere, for it is he, appealed – and was given an extra match ban for being frivolous! The other fella did just as much, but got away with it!

Case 3: Chelsea’s Frank Lampard pushed Luis Boa Morte of West Ham after another mildly dodgy clash, and received a red card – violent conduct, like Aliadiere. Mr Lampard appeals, and the card gets overturned for one of the top franchises.

See what I mean?

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